If I’m already in Thailand, I would also like to learn to meditate or immerse myself in the monastic life of the monks. Those who know me well have only smiled at my plan to live in a silent monastery for 10 days. Yes. I love to talk. A lot! But believe me: the silence wasn’t actually too difficult for me. True story!

I’ll give you a little insight into the life in a monastery – with many ups and downs and above all crazy emotions.

• My first meditation
• Day 1 – 3 | Please get me out of here!
• Day 4 – 7 | The days are endless …
• Day 8 – 10 | It will be over soon
• Thinking, thinking eh … not thinking
• Lessons learned
• Day 11 | The day after

Although there are temples or monasteries on every corner in Thailand, it is not so easy to be accepted as a woman – and certainly not spontaneously without prior notice.

However, at International Dharma Hermitage of Wat Suan Mokkh the registration is very easy and relaxed. Everyone can register for the next 10 days of silent meditation on the last day of each month.

The monastery is located in a beautifully maintained forest with some open-air meditation halls, a large lake and lots of birds, geckos, creepy crawlies and other living animals (the sounds of which I could not assign).

The rooms consist of a wooden board (“bed”) and a block of wood, which the monks call “lovley wooden pillow” (ha ha). Welcome to the simple life!

b

The group meditations always take place in the main meditation hall (see above). The men sit on the left and the women on the right side. There are pads, pillows and stools that give you the opportunity to find a comfortable sitting position. The correct sitting position is super important, because you end up sitting most of the day.

The first meditation was directly on the evening of registration. I personally was thrown in at the deep end. My first 30 minutes meditation:

• Ten minutes: Fighting off mosquitos and sand flies
• Ten minutes: Searching a comfortable sitting position
• Ten minutes: enjoying the catchy tune in my head Havana, ooh na na. Half of my heart is in Havana, ooh na na.

That went really well with all this stop thinking and relaxing stuff  …

b

Honestly? The first three days were terrible. Everything was okay until breakfast on the first day. I woke up on time, fell asleep for a few minutes at the first speech and meditation, the yoga class was generally very cool and the breakfast was delicious.
After breakfast, the chores for which you had to register on the first day should be done. I decided to wipe the floor in our apartment building. It was really good to be useful.

Then a big down. I left the next sitting meditation after five minutes and emptied my stomach contents behind the nearest tree. Great. For the next 48 hours, my body didn’t like any kind of meals or liquids.
So for the first two days I was lying on the most uncomfortable wooden board in the world with a fever. No medication – except some herbs my stomach didn’t think was cool either.
So I was crying on my lovely wooden pillow (see picture 3) and thought: Okay Fiona. You die here in a crappy cell in a monastery at the end of the world. And you can’t even tell your parents that you’re dying.

On the third day I dragged myself to breakfast again and saw that it wasn’t just me who was feeling bad. Nobody smiled anymore. All participants were tired from getting up early, exhausted from the heat, frustrated by the failed meditations.
What the hell were we doing here?

b

The next few days were actually getting better. I was able to eat and drink normally again and had enough energy for the daily program. Current emotional status:

• I only fall asleep in the heat during the midday sitting meditations
• I wake up shortly before the gong at 4am Whey!
• Success rate in sitting meditations: my butt hurts
• Walking meditations are more my favorite
• I love yoga
• Mopping the floor is a great change from meditating
• I need a big hug
• Some participants have already canceled the retreat. I am still here. No idea why.

b

Day 8: Change at its finest! The last three days passed very quickly and now the wooden bed is really okay.

• I’m totally relaxed inside
• I only live the day and the hours pass by faster
• My muscles are finally relaxed again – thanks yoga!
• I would like to have a piece of cake at tea time. And there is damn delicious cocoa from time to time
• I long for day 11 and a big pizza

b

The strangest things come to your mind when you think, even though you shouldn’t be thinking. It was really the most difficult challenge for me in these ten days. Mind struggle at its finest.

OK. We have learned that it is important to categorize all thoughts and then just let go.

Forget about the past.
Fiona, you can do this.
My butt hurts.
I miss my friends.
Mum. Dad.
My knees hurt.
Homesick.
Tom and Jerry (…?)
Pain. Pain. Pain.
Ex boyfriend.
When are these 30 minutes finally over?
Where do the tears come from?
Is there a way to sit that I haven’t tried yet? I don’t think so …
I’m sweating.
Bed.
Oh, the person there is moving! I’m not the only one who suffers and doesn’t meditate!
I have to go to the toilet.
Ah, mosquito! Aarghh

DONG. 30 minutes past.

b

FAST AND RENOUNCE LUXURY 
There are two meals a day – fasting after lunch at 12.30pm. Don’t worry: With the hot temperatures, it’s not difficult just to drink the rest of the day. You don’t go on big sightseeing tours or do sports, you use less energy and sitting meditations are also more relaxed without a full stomach. So it’s okay just to drink water.

The food was a little too spicy for my German stomach. However, very tasty and above all long-lasting. But the same breakfast every day? Since my stay in Suan Mokkh, I have enjoyed the luxury of eating in a variety of ways every day.
The creaking hostel beds are also a dream from now on! Even the stiff neck after a power nap in the bus is 1000 times preferable to a wooden bed. Really – just appreciate the luxury of a mattress.

NO MEDIA CONSUMPTION
No cellphone. No laptop. No book. No MP3 player.
It was really okay to do this without your cell phone. For example, when I’m having dinner with friends, it even stays in my pocket. No WhatsApp or Instagram – all wonderful.
But it was really a strange feeling not knowing what was going on in the world. An epidemic could have broken out in Germany. I wouldn’t have found out in this time without a phone. Something could have happened to my family. I wouldn’t have found out. From this perspective, it was less great to have no contact with the outside world.

SILENCE IS GREAT
Surprisingly, the silence wasn’t really difficult for me. In the beginning, you would like to tell all the participants what kind of thoughts you had during the first meditation or that a giant gecko now lives in your room. After a little bit of time, you will notice that these messages are actually not that important. You start to deal with yourself a lot more.
And of course, on day 11 all experiences gushed out of everyone. But you learn that silence is really good for finding your own peace.

MEDITATIONS = EMOTIONS
On the 11th day a monk asked me how the first meditations were for me, which I really got into. My answer: I cried at every meditation.
I have generally observed many participants staring sadly in the sand after the first meditations or wiping the tears from their faces. Yep. Totally inner peace.
The whole situation isn’t easy and you cannot switch off your thoughts from now on and meditate chilled to yourself. Every thought that flares up tells you that it is important and you have to deal with it. Many participants came to Suan Mokkh after a broken marriage / relationship, the tragic loss of a loved one or a failed job opportunity. Here you have no way to distract yourself and you think about every situation (often rather negative experiences) in the past. Again and again. And you go through the same pain again and again.

THE MONKS ARE YOUR MENTORS
Because of the whole chaos of thoughts in your head, the readings and speeches of the monks and nuns are extremely important. You hear the sentences every day: Forget about the past. Don’t think about the future. Be in the present moment.
I tell you: these ten days here are better than any show by a motivational coach. The monks show you their simple, happy life. In many areas it is often a very different way of life than ours. But you are there ten days anyway, you just have to get involved. And after these ten days you feel your own deep inner satisfaction.

b

What did I do first in the “real world” afterwards?
Got an sunburn on the ferry to my next destination after one hour. Have to work on my tan again! Shaved my legs and plucked my eyebrows. Ate a slice of pizza. Listened to my favorite playlist for three hours. Talked on the phone for four hours.

What did I take with me at the end?
I can tell a great new story now. I have some new resolutions. Yoga is not as boring as I previously thought. I appreciate the everyday things (warm showers, a mattress, a varied breakfast) which are suddenly no longer so obvious. Yes, guys – I can be silent for ten days! It’s all about Dukkha (those who are familiar with Buddhist terms know what I mean). A lot of mosquito bites.

How do i feel?
It is very difficult to describe. However, what I can definitely say: I am happy.
I’m happy about the things that I have or have never achieved in my life. I’m more than satisfied with my current situation. I’m not worried about the future. The situations from the past have happened, but I can’t change them now and that’s okay. I’m incredibly proud that I went through these ten days.

Which words from the monks motivated me the most?

When you don’t have many choices, life is more simple.

All thoughts tell you that they are important – don’t believe them.

Life is now. Live in the present.

First, you have to love yourself. Then you can share love and give the right love.

No one have to tell you what to do or what to achieve.

Don’t change people with your words. Change them with your being.

All great men arise from great woman. That’s a fact.

You can’t change your past. Be here and move on.

Hereby I express a heart recommendation! If you are in Thailand and you have enough time: drive to Suan Mokkh. Experience hard but incredibly enriching days.

Lots of Love ♥